This is my first attempt to write characters with disabilities, something I wish to write more about. Feedback is appreciated in regards to how the disabled characters are represented. Disabled folks deserve erotic stories about them too, without fetishization or appropriation, etc.
Sir knew that his sissy boy liked pokemon but underestimated just how much when he accidentally found a binder in the bedroom one day full of printed pokemon fanfiction porn and fan art he’d collected and commissioned. It was labeled as ‘the secret stash’. Where normally, someone’s stash included bondage art of porn stars or a DVD of hardcore fucking involving a babysitter and a delivery man or maybe hentai of a stepmom who was extra busty and her peeping tom stepson…etc but this was ALL pokemon-themed.
Sissy, whose legal name was Udaya, who worked in retail, was mortified when his Sir had found his stash, so much so that it did cause a strain in their relationship that made bedtime encounters a bit awkward even to this day. As per their dynamic, when he comes home, Udaya is allowed to become ‘sissy’ and dress in femme wear that is more comfortable for him. And Sir cannot use the real name during these times unless a Safeword is invoked. And there are three. Alpha; Beta and Gamma. Alpha means everything stops, roles get suspended, proper in-depth check-ins are done and real names are used. Beta was just to give a minor check-in, real names can be used, but it is a moderate level, where Alpha was high. Gamma is the lowest level of stop and check-in real names may or may not be used.
Sir, whose legal name was, Erich, was a manager at a dispensary supply warehouse. Their state had just legalized cannabis, and he held a card for medical use for the fact that he had pretty bad nerve pain after getting diagnosed with fibromyalgia four years ago. Cannabis helped. Sometimes. And he didn’t have to do any heavy lifting, just delegate and check things off on the clipboard and data entry in a computer and make sure the truck shipments went to the right dispensaries across the state that were opening up and registered with their supply company, etc. He had been working long hours lately and was feeling sad like he was neglecting his sissy, so when one day he came home and found him in the bedroom on his phone jerking his cock wearing only some hose and a bra that had his hard, dark nipples poking out of the lace, he stood at the door watching a while as sissy jerked and made cute whimpering sounds looking at whatever excited him on his phone.
Sensing someone watching, sissy glanced over and his hand froze, seeing his Sir staring at him, his work pants tented and strained and there was a sizeable wet spot near the zipper. He was breathing hard, and when the hand stopped, he glanced at his partner’s face. His dark skin was flushed, and his long dark hair was sticky with sweat and plastered to his forehead and cheeks. “You want to finish me off, Sir?” he asked, his voice was small and vulnerable. And Sir blinked slowly, and went over to the bed and sat near his boy, then lowered and took the hard cock in his mouth, and began to suck, slow, steady, like it was worship like it was penance like he was asking forgiveness for the months of neglect like he wanted to do whatever he could to make things right again between them and not as strained.
Sissy’s toes curled and he made the sweetest sounds, whimpers, before he cried out as his seed shot into his Sir’s mouth, body squeezed and the load was thick and gushing like he’d denied himself a few days. Sir swallowed him down and sucked him till he went soft in his mouth, and then looked up at the sissy and he was breathing hard and looked so … blissed out as his hand rubbed his pecs thru the bra.
“I’m so sorry, my love,” Sir whispered as he buried his face in the sissy’s thigh. The sissy sat up on his elbows and frowned in concern seeing his Sir break down and cry silently into his leg.
“Erich, hey, time out. Baby, come here, please? Time out, time out. – Safeword Alpha. Come here… come to my arms. Why are you apologizing?”
Having moved up to be held, he took his glasses off and sniffled softly a bit. “I’ve been so negligent. I didn’t mean to be. I just…”
“Shhh,” Udaya cooed and rubbed his lover’s back in soft circular patterns that seemed to avoid certain parts of the back that he knew were nerve clusters that if interacted with too much would activate a flare and make his lover miserable physically even though he did his best to not let it show.
“No, I have been. I know I have been. I was … taken off guard, with the pokemon thing. And I didn’t know how to meet your needs, and I felt inadequate and confused and I just sort of withdrew… a lot.”
“Sweetie, I know, I know the pokemon thing kind of weirds people out, that’s why it’s just my personal fantasy material, what I look at to get off on my own. You meet my needs just fine, Erich, honestly, but it sounds like you were punishing yourself a little here, hm?”
There was a lip quiver and a tense of his jaw. “I need you to let me make this up to you. More than a blow job, I…need to make this right, for me, please?”
“But you didn’t do anything wrong to make right…why do you–”
“Alright. What were you thinking?”
“I don’t know yet. I just want to find a way to tell you that your pokemon kink doesn’t weird me out. It was just … a side of you that I felt I made you feel you had to hide from me. And I didn’t like that feeling. You shouldn’t be ashamed to share stuff like that with me. And I just … want to express that the things you find sexy are a part of you and beautiful cos you are beautiful and I…feel like I have been needing to do this for a while. I have felt … like I have been taking you for granted, you keep the house clean, you cook and do the shopping and still work four days a week, and I barely thank you like I used to, like doing things to make you feel … like my cherished, sissy boy, who I love more than anyone I have ever loved.”
Udaya averted his eyes and fought the emotions inside him at those words. “That would be nice. Pokemon means a lot to me, it would be nice to share that with a lover for a change instead of hiding it in my sock drawer like something shameful,” he whispered and then moved to kiss his Sir. first on the top of his head, then Erich moved to kiss him full on the mouth, and they made out until someone’s stomach grumbled and they had to decide on dinner.
Days, weeks passed, and slowly Erich became more and more affectionate, giving gratitude kisses after dinner like he did when they first moved in together. And sucking him to sleep, and then curling up next to each other in what they affectionately called ‘Sissy’s Maternal Pose’ where sissy had Sir’s head on his chest, and Sir had curled up in an almost fetal position against his sissy, an arm wrapped around. It was slowly coming to the sissy’s attention that Sir had a ‘little side’ that wanted to show up and be cuddled, even once or twice sissy caught Sir sucking his thumb as he slept. He knew he did that when he was younger from sharing childhood photos when they met each other’s families but never had he thought that he did it still as a grown man over thirty. But somehow, the sissy found it sweet and did not say anything, just quietly admired the vulnerability and intimacy of it.
Maybe being 24/7 in fixed roles wasn’t working. Maybe changing it up was what they needed. Still waiting on whatever Sir had in mind to show that he embraced the pokemon kink. Sissy wondered if he should find a way to make a safe space for Sir to explore sometimes not being Sir, and being a little if he wanted, or being a middle or just to take the Sir role off and be whatever felt right.
That night at dinner, he decided to breach the topic. He got home first and could already smell the beef stew he had put in the crockpot when he left for the day, it smelled like perfection. He went into the kitchen to take a small spoon taste, needed a little more salt but otherwise, it was amazing. Smiling a little to himself, he turned the stew on warm and dashed a bit of salt in and gave a quick stir with the stirring spoon, then went to go get changed and showered and then hopefully have the bowls out by the time his love came home from work.
Erich came home knowing he was on the verge of a fibro flare, he just wanted to crawl in bed in the dark and let his body hurt and express the hurt and not have to hide and put on an ‘I’m okay’ front or mask anymore. He set his keys in the bowl by the door and could smell the warm stew that had been brewing all day. He smiled weakly. “Bae, you home?” he called out.
Sissy shouted back a reply, and then was on his way downstairs in knee highs and a frilly short, lilac dress, his dark hair long and out of his Sikh turban and sort of gathered into a loose ponytail down his back. Already the Sissy could see the worn look on his love. He went over and stood in front of him. Not sure if it was okay to hug yet. “I’m home,” he said smiling and giggling a tiny bit. Erich smiled. “Dinner smells good.”
“Beef stew, are you okay to eat at the table tonight or shall I bring you a bowl in bed?”
Erich gave a slow sigh, that started a spasm of oww down his shoulder blades and he winced a little bit, closing his eyes and taking his glasses off. “Uhm…”
“The couch is also an option, I can bring the blankets here, and we could … I don’t know. Build a blanket fort or something?” Sissy was quick to offer.
The mention of the word ‘blanket fort’ made Erich freeze a moment. His jaw went tight. And he looked up at his lover. He attempted a smile. “I’d like that,” he said softly.
“Consider it done. Take your time. I will get the bowls poured first so they can be cool and lukewarm and not sensory hell to eat. Then I will get the blankets and pillows and work on the fort.”
Erich slowly took his shoes off by the door, and made his way to the couch, walking slowly, he took off his pants, then shirt till he sat on the couch, in just his boxer briefs, a basic dark gray, nothing special, just the only ones clean at the moment. Erich was a simple man, he was very basic and often thought of himself as boring. Or too boring to deserve someone like Udaya, who was charming without even trying to be.
Setting his glasses on the coffee table in front of him. He winced audibly as the stretch of his arm agitated the pain in his shoulders and upper back. Moving effortlessly in silence, Udaya moved to bring the two bowls to the coffee table. Then trotted off to get the blankets and pillows and built a fort of safety around the hurting Erich. Then, bringing two spoons and heating pads and ice packs and extra pillows, and his tablet, the sissy entered the blanket fort himself.
“Okay! Our Pillow Castle is complete, my Prince,” he said with a smile. “I didn’t know if heat or cold would be what you needed but I got the heating pad, the ice packs, and towels. I have spoons for the stew. And my tablet, loaded with all the streaming services, we can watch whatever you want, or just do music, or not use it at all if you just want to enjoy stew and then I can move things around if you want to sleep he—”
Erich moved to kiss his lover mid-sentence, full on the lips, keeping it chaste, but passionate and closed mouth. Udaya closed his eyes slowly and kissed back, feeling the energy and affection of the kiss, and moaned softly. Erich slowly broke the kiss and looked at him.
“I love you so much…”
“I love you too, so so much.”
And then Erich squeezed, his lover’s thigh affectionately and they ate their dinner. No show, no music. Just good company.
The flare lasted about five weeks, and almost took him to the ER cos a few days he couldn’t get out of bed at all. He only called out twice tho, and only because Udaya begged him to upon point of tears. Udaya didn’t show tears much. But he didn’t like it at all when Erich strained himself. Too stubborn to admit that he was hurting more than he was. Udaya could always, always tell. They’d been together a long time and Udaya was pretty perceptive in general.
But it was two weeks afterward that they managed to have their heart-to-heart kink talk. It was a rare Saturday where they were both off. Udaya came home with some fast food and a plushie in his arms. Erich was sitting in the bedroom trying to breathe. He heard the door and knew that Udaya was back from picking up the food. For their stay-home date. He wondered if this was too bold or if it wasn’t bold enough. But either way, he wanted to try it. He took another deep breath and went downstairs.
“Oh hey, babe! Pizza is here, I got pineapple and olive for me, and plain cheese for you. There was a special so I got some wings and –”
“What is the teddy bear for?”
“Oh, well, it was cute, so I got it for you, or for us. Or… just me if you don’t like him.”
“Why do I feel like you know something you’re not telling me or something? You’ve been very doting lately, and I just … it’s not a complaint, I just … would like to be let in on your thinking.”
“C-Can we talk about it over the pizza? I did ask for a deep check-in when we could, re-assessing our dynamic and other things, and the doting and plushies are kinda part of that.”
“Okay. Sounds good.”
“I can put the bear upstairs if it bothers—”
“No!! I… I… you don’t have to. I… can I hold him?”
Udaya smiled then. “Of course, he’s very cuddly,” and he extended the bear out for Erich to hold. And the smile that slowly spread across Erich’s face was so ..pure and innocent that he probably wasn’t aware how happy the bear made him until he held him. He was a brown bear wearing a tiny white shirt with a red heart on it, as part of the, I Heart You sentiment written on the shirt. Very simple. It was the kind of thing you grab to buy from a convenience store. Udaya probably bought it from a gas station before or after he got the pizza. Either way. Erich loved him. He gave him a big hug and cuddled it. Udaya watched his lover hug his teddy bear and smiled. “See? Cuddly,”
“Well, do you want plates for the pizza or shall we just eat it with our hands and re-use the box?”
“Box, please, I know you woke up early to do the dishes, and I don’t …”
“Shh, box it is. And I don’t mind doing the dishes, as long as you can do the trash most of the time. Flares don’t count.”
So they sat and ate pizza for a bit before the conversation resumed again.
“So, the doting….I …have noticed that you have been expressing this sort of … Little energy sometimes, like you are getting a little strained being Sir all the time, and I have been feeling more nurturing a bit. So I thought, maybe, we can re-examine the role dynamics Make it more flexible and loose not as strict.”
“Ageplay, darling. Where you roleplay as a younger or older age than you chronologically are. You… you curl up at my pecs every night, and sometimes I wake up first and find that you are sucking your thumb, and sometimes when I’m down there giving you special attention, you make these cute little whimpers that you haven’t made before.”
Erich looked a little uneasy. “I can’t help it. I have tried, I have tried for years to … do the integration thing but its starting to unravel, so many years in therapy gone to waste”
“Whoa, wait, hold on, what are you talking about? Therapy, you mean the family therapy you went thru as a kid?”
Erich nodded. “I didn’t tell you cos it wasn’t a big deal, but some of the sessions were just me and the therapist. And so the therapist had me create this persona, and then, well… it was really, twisted and fucked up, but with the other shit I was in therapy for and my age, my mind was vulnerable, and then the persona was integrated, and for years, he was gone. I didn’t feel him anymore. I became this uptight, rigid person, who was all about rules and order and hiding. And then just… I guess he’s trying to come back. As Little Energy. I was trying so fucking hard to just integrate him again.”
“Oh honey, you don’t have to hurt yourself like that. I am here, I want to love all of you. I can …be his Big if he wants… like … a Mommy?”
There was a rough exhale. And Erich looked at Udaya. Then smiled a little. “I … I think I would like that. I think I would like that a lot.”
Udaya smiled and nodded, his earrings swinging a bit with how hard he was nodding. “Good, then I can be Mommy. You don’t have to be Sir all the time. I … think us taking turns Sir and Mommy. And I … well I have been looking at some names… instead of just Sissy, I thought I’d give that side of myself a name. I am not picky about pronouns or anything. I don’t think I want surgery or hormone treatments I just want the distinction. I’m not transgender or anything. I just… I’m a crossdresser, there’s nothing wrong with that. But having the distinction is … something I think I need. So I was thinking Kalai, as a name for … me when I am in crossdresser mode?”
“Kalai, I like that.”
“It means bird song or something like that.”
“His name was Simon. The Little … my Little side.”
Kalai smiled. “Well tell him I say hi”
Erich smiled coyly. Then took a bite of his pizza. They ate in silence for a moment or two, half of each of their pies nearly gone, all the wings gone. Kalai made a full sound. “I think I may have eaten a bit too much. But the good news is, I have a few slices left for cold pizza breakfast tomorrow or in the middle of the night as a snack.”
“Kalai the midnight snacker.”
“I know! It’s just always been a thing, it’s why my dad calls me mouse!” Kalai said with a chuckle. Erich smiled and started condensing all the boxes so they could fit in the fridge in one box. When he stood up to go put the box in the fridge, something fell out of his pocket and Kalai noticed.
He got up to pick it up. Erich didn’t notice it fell and carried on to the kitchen. But when he turned around to come back and saw Kalai standing there holding the ring box, speechless. He froze. “I had a whole plan. I was gonna get down on one knee and sing, and I rehearsed for days in the car on the way to and from work.”
Kalai looked up at him. “It’s been eight years, we have been together for eight long, loving years, Is this what I think it is Erich?.”
“Yes. and I’m sorry … it’s been so long. But I just ….” Erich took a deep breath and started to sing as best he could.
“I wanted the very best, like no one in the world. To catch your heart is my real test, and it became my cause, I traveled across the land, fucking everyone, but now I want a home, with you and you alone. Pokemon gotta catch your love, it’s you and me, our destiny, would you please…. Marry me?” his voice warbled toward the end, shaking, scared, and as he fell into silence. Kalai opened the ring box and saw the ring. Then took it out and slipped it on the appropriate finger.
“You’re my best friend, your heart so true, I will defend, it’s you and me, our courage will push us thru, you teach me and I teach you, every challenge along the way. Come with me, the time is right, so to you, I say, I do, yes, my love, I will marry you…” he sang back in return.
And Erich’s eyes went wide as his eyes shot up. He gasped. And then covered his mouth to try and silence a laughing sob of relief.
“Hug me, kiss me something please … come over here,” Kalai said and waved his hands a bit femme-like to keep from crying and smearing his makeup. Erich went over and wrapped his arms around his fiancee then they kissed long and hard and passionate. Getting lost in each other.
Kalai broke the kiss like someone who had an idea in their head, “Could we have a pokemon wedding?”
Erich smiled. “I was just about to suggest that.”
And then Kalai kissed his fiancee again. “I love you so fucking much.”
“I love you too, Mommy…”
Then Kalai moaned and caressed Simon’s head. “Hey there, my beautiful boy.”
Simon smiled. “Hi…” and giggled softly before hugging Kalai and nuzzling his head on that chest he loved to snuggle so much.
As a child, Erich had hoped and prayed that when he grew up he’d have the perfect family he didn’t have as a child. Well, now … he has Mommy, Sir, and Simon. And all things considered, it was as much the next best thing that there could be.
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