Further Down The Rabbit Hole

One of the things I discovered about myself from Bryan was that I had little interest in guys at or near my age. I discovered I was attracted to guys older than myself. Bryan was eighteen years my senior at forty-three. The more time I spent as Bryan’s property, I realized this about myself. I would meet the occasional guy closer to my age and I just found I wasn’t interested. There were a couple of guys that Bryan would have me give blowjobs to but I never responded to any advances at dating those guys.

Another thing I learned about myself is guys loved my butt. My tiny butt received all the attention from men. Once I realized this, I started to wear clothes that showed off my best feature. I choose shorter and tighter shorts when working out. I liked those skintight bike shorts when I could find them in XS size. I had a pair of denim shorts that I cut very short. Those shorts always grabbed attention when I was shopping, doing laundry, or doing the day-to-day activities.

I responded to Bryan’s dominance of me and I desired to make him happy and nothing else. I discovered that I felt natural being dominated and submissive. The more he demanded from me, the more I responded positively.

It may have been because of my upbringing. My parents were very strict with the girls. Not with my brothers. We girls went to school and had to return home immediately after school each day. We did chores and had limited free time. My father ruled the house. My upbringing was very controlled and structured. I assume this played some role in me being attracted to older dominant men. I think my upbringing normalized it in my subconscious mind.

Bryan began discussing with me his desire for command, control, and obedience.  Over and over he would discuss complete command, complete control, and complete obedience.  He discussed his expectations including my failures to meet his standard would result in punishment.  As in the past, when Bryan’s talked, he just told me what was going to happen he did not offer me a choice in the matter. He talked for great length about what each of the categories meant and how my failures would be dealt with. He expected total devotion.

One night, he brought a framed sheet of paper which he mounted on the wall right below where my whip was mounted on the wall just outside my bedroom. He placed it at eye-level as if I was kneeling facing the wall. He had been teaching me the proper positions and postures of a submissive. Kneeling in the “Nadu” position at that location I would be looking directly at the picture frame.

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Anyone entering my apartment their eyes would no doubt be directed at the whip hanging on the wall and a picture frame beneath it.

Printed on the paper was what would become my mantra. My mantra was six short paragraphs discussing acceptance, obedience, devotion, my role as property, my purpose for existence. My purpose being I was born to please men and women. 

Bryan said that some will want to use my holes, some will want to whip me. My purpose was to please them however they choose. This was my purpose.

I was instructed that each morning and each night I would begin and end each day kneeling in Nadu position under my whip and I would read aloud my mantra. I was also told that each time I entered my bedroom, every day before I did so, I was to kneel and read my mantra. There were to be no exceptions. Since I stayed naked inside my apartment at all times, the requirement to do so naked would be the easy part.

Part of Bryan’s control included he wanted me to drop a few pounds. I am five feet almost two inches. I am a long-distance runner. Bryan decided I should not weigh more than ninety-nine pounds. This required that I lose between three and five pounds. I last weighed under one hundred pounds when I was nineteen. I had not gained much weight in the years since high school. Maybe at most, I weighed five pounds more when at my heaviest. My body had not changed much since high school. I had taken to long-distance running and felt those few added pounds were muscle. I knew losing three pounds or so was going to be difficult. Most people I knew always told me I was too skinny. I was already on a strict protein low carbohydrate diet set by Bryan. This concerned me but I knew I had to make this sacrifice for Bryan.

Bryan required that my time away from work was accounted for. He had me increase my days from two days a week to three days a week working as the lingerie model at the bars. Those shifts were all after my regular job at the construction office. If I wasn’t at work I was working out or running it seemed. I ran a minimum of thirty miles each week. Bryan was keeping me busy. I liked being responsible for him and being held to his standard.

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One of my lingerie coworkers approached me about a side job. She said two girls and myself would work a party serving drinks. We would do so in our lingerie from the shows. One of the girls was going to be the bartender and I and the other girl were going to walk around the crowd with trays of drinks. 

Once Bryan gave his okay. That Friday after work, I met the girls and they drove to the house. It was a large house up in the Fremont Hills. We were instructed to arrive early and bring several outfits because the couple having the party wanted to choose what each girl would wear. The food was catered and there was lots of activity in the house when we arrived. 

The husband and wife, a couple in their mid-forties, took us girls into the living area and had us strip right there. Workers were milling about. We each tried on several outfits for them with both choosing what they liked and disliked on each girl. They decided since I was so flat-chested my butt and legs were my best assets. They choose for me a thong micro bikini cut bottom with a loose-fitting camisole as a top. That with some moderate heels made my outfit. The wife said since my nipples were so large she desired them on display and the sheer material of the camisole clearly did that. Any slight bending over or even a breeze and my chest was fully exposed. 

The couple said that many of their guests might get “handsy” but not to complain and we would be paid well. The party was attended by about sixty to seventy people, men, and women. All three of us girls worked hard keeping the drinks flowing. There were some comments and the occasional touch here and there but mostly the evening was uneventful and exciting. My name that night was Nipples, as many seemed fascinated by them. 

I heard many times, “Where’s Nipples with my drink?”

We were paid very well also.

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Somehow my working the lingerie show bar job had gotten back to my family. My parents pretty much cut me off after hearing I was doing these shows. One sister still talked to me. She told me to just let time pass and hopefully, they would forgive me. I was becoming more reliant on Bryan and even more isolated from my family and friends.

Bryan bought me a music player to use while running. He selected music for me to listen to at home and while running. These songs, he told me, had subliminal messages embedded, teaching me to accept his control of me. He often would have me listen to the songs at night while sleeping. These songs were all I was allowed to listen to. They were all rather long instrumental tunes played in a continuous loop.

Another demand Bryan insisted on was he wanted me to have no tan lines. He arranged and took me to his friend’s Steve home a short distance from my apartment.  Steve lived in a single-family house on a cul-de-sac. Each house had a six-foot wood fence around the rear property which is the norm in California. Steve lived alone and had an in-ground swimming pool in his backyard. We arrived at the house and entered the backyard through a side gate. Upon closing the gate Bryan ordered me to strip naked. He had me hang my clothes on a hook. Bryan said I was never allowed clothes beyond the gate, that was the deal he arranged with Steve. I followed Bryan into the backyard.

No one appeared to be home. I checked the surrounding houses for activity and didn’t see anyone watching. Bryan would concern himself with that anyways. Three houses had a view into Steve’s yard from what I could see.

Bryan showed me around. He told me there were towels for drying. He made a point to tell me they were not for covering myself. Bryan said I was to come here a minimum of two days a week, more if I had tan lines. There was an outdoor refrigerator for cold drinks. The pool and yard were very nice.

Steve arrived and came into the backyard to join us. Steve and Bryan talked. They talked about me but not to me. I just laid there in a lounge chair. They sat in chairs a few feet away. My pussy was dripping with excitement from being exposed in this yard and having these two men discuss me as if I was not there. My head was spinning. It seemed like I was out of my body floating in the air. I have learned to love this feeling. I heard Bryan speak but did not make out his full sentences. I heard the word “whore” and “slut” more than once and knew he was talking about me.

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I heard Bryan raise his voice and I snapped back. He had me get them a drink from the refrigerator. I felt Steve’s eyes on me as I walked to retrieve drinks. I was hoping Bryan would have me please him. I was so horny and excited. I handed them their drinks and stood there between them.

Bryan mentioned to Steve, He had laser hair removal done to my vagina. Bryan told Steve to feel how smooth it was. Steve reached out and touched my vagina and I almost dropped to the floor from my knees giving out. They noticed my reaction and both laughed at my predicament. Steve put a finger inside me and laughed again at how wet I was. I was about to cum from his finger playing with me when he removed it. I dropped to my knees and Bryan told me to clean Steve’s finger. I grabbed Steve’s hand and sucked his finger clean. I tried to show him how much I loved it. When I finished, I stayed there kneeling in the Nadu position. 

Steve was younger than Bryan. I guessed he was thirty-five years old or so. He seemed to be about ten years older than me from my best guess. He was handsome and fit. He was slightly shorter than Bryan, about six feet tall. They both towered over me. He seemed to understand the dynamic and what Bryan was training me to become.

Bryan told Steve he intended to have my nipples pierced as well as my vagina. He also talked of having me tattooed. This was the first time I heard Bryan talk about these things. As was the case, he did not ask for my approval; just told me and Steve of his plans.

Bryan instructed me to stand. He pulled me to him with my back against his chest. I felt so small in his arms. I was again floating in space. He pulled on my outer vagina lips and spoke of having both sides pierced several times. He said that then a metal plate can be attached to the vagina piercings as a chastity device. As Bryan was manipulating my vagina, I suddenly came. I lost my balance and fell into his body. He had to hold me up as I was shaking. I dropped to my knees as I recovered. 

Bryan laughed saying to Steve,  “I told you she is a slut and was born for this”

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I did not know it for some time but in the future, Steve was to become my owner.

I was learning my new routine in my apartment of reading my mantra. I was reading the mantra a minimum of ten times every day. One Sunday evening, Bryan stopped by. I was excited to see him as always. He sat in the chair and relaxed. I immediately dropped between his legs and started making love to his cock with my mouth.  When he came I savored every drop of his cum. I was so pleased to have to give him pleasure. I was learning this was my role and purpose in life.

I cleaned him with my mouth but he asked for a washcloth. I jumped up and ran into the bathroom to retrieve one. I failed to drop and read my mantra before entering my bedroom. When I came out, I was still excited and happy from having pleased Bryan. I noticed he was standing. I saw this look like I disappointed him. He pointed to my mantra and asked if I had forgotten something. I knew now what I had done. He grabbed my tiny wrist and laid me over the arm of the chair. He removed his leather belt and whipped me like never before. I had already started crying from having failed him but the whipping was intense. I knew I was going to be sore and have difficulty sitting at work the next day. He whipped me with a fury I had not experienced before. I tried not to move and just take it but I could not. When he stopped he had me kneel. He told me what I had done wrong. I was told to clasp my fingers behind my head. Then struck my breast twice with the belt so hard it almost knocked me backward. I felt like my tiny chest was exploding. Bryan then turned and walked out.

I cried all night and did not sleep. I was more hurt from my having disappointed my owner than from the pounding my body took from his belt. My butt was welted. My tiny breasts were swollen and red. Both areas were super sensitive.

At work on Monday, I sent Bryan my normal email with my schedule for the remainder of the day. He would normally respond and make changes. He did not. Tuesday, I did the same and again, no response. I was hardly able to sleep both nights. I cried. Tuesday evening, I worked at the Lingerie show. Every night after returning home from a show, I would email Bryan with how much money I made. I did this and no response.

I was almost sent home by the bar manager that night. We girls mostly used the manager’s office to change clothes and lingerie during our shows. Mostly because the office was the only place to do so. We needed an area where we could spread out our things. The manager saw my butt was bruised and was going to send me home. He was a bit of a pervy guy anyways. I cried and said I was late on my rent. He relented but only after having me strip completely for his inspection. When he saw my breast had bruises also he almost changed his mind but my crying did the trick. He let me stay and work.

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The manager had me in a predicament because the standing rule was if we girls were sent home by a manager we were usually let go or the least given substantial time off the show schedule.

My world had collapsed. I felt like a ship without a rudder. Wednesday was the same, with no response. That night, I wrote a six-page handwritten letter begging his forgiveness. I told him how thankful I was that he took his time to assist me and train me. I explained how lost I felt without his control and his command of me. I professed obedience to him. I thanked him for whipping me with the belt for not following his instructions. I told him I knew I was nothing but property to him, That his girlfriend Lisa was his love and I knew this. I said that he sets the rules and I was only to obey them. My only desire was to please him and to be considered worthy of all the work and effort he spends in training me. I thanked him for whipping me and in his punishment of me so I can learn to be a better object for his use.

Thursday, I finally received a response. The three-word response was, “You must decide.”

I did not hear from him again until that Sunday night. He walked in the door. I burst into tears. I begged his forgiveness. I told him I was sorry for disappointing him, that I would try harder in the future. I told him I needed him as my owner. That I desired nothing but to be his property.

He asked me about my week. I told him I tried to do my best but I was lost. I did what I thought he would want me to do. He allowed me to give him a blowjob. I made love to his cock like never before. When he came into my mouth, I cried again. I thanked him over and over.

I discovered things about myself during the week. I learned that I craved the life Bryan had exposed me to. I craved his control and direction. I needed it. I have been places and done things I never imagined doing. I did not want to feel that lost and alone again.

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Updated: July 28, 2021 — 4:45 pm
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