Fairy tales begin with “Once Upon a Time…” and end with people living “…happily ever after.”
Once upon a time, on a Saturday morning in the village of Wickware, Allison Crowley made breakfast for her husband and her neighbor, Duke Scoggins. Duke was her husband’s best friend. He was an asshole at times, but mostly, he was a jerk. Duke got off on making lewd, crude, and sexual remarks towards Allison. Earlier this week, she reached her limit.
Like thirsty ground needs rain, Allison needed to get even.
This particular Saturday morning, busty, vibrant, blonde-haired Mrs. Allison Crowley wore a short white cooking apron over her hot pink micro-thong. Curtis, her husband, said he was cool with Allison showing off to get a little payback.
Yes, Duke and Curtis were good friends, but that didn’t mean Curtis welcomed the sexual banter from his mullet-wearing, smelly, hillbilly beanpole buddy with missing teeth. (Duke usually had a ten-day-old shave, too.) So when Allison came up with her plan to put one over on Duke, well, Curtis was all in. Today was the day.
“C’mon in, boys,” Allison called. As she opened the screen door, it squeaked on its old rusty springs.
Duke was there to go fishing with Curtis. They were connecting the boat trailer to Curtis’ truck and they looked up to see Allison waving them inside.
Duke’s eyes lingered on Allison. The cooking apron didn’t cover her bikini top and barely covered the front of her thong. He licked his lips and swallowed.
Knowing she had Duke’s eye, Allison made it a point to bend over and study one of the hydrangea blooms by the door. A swatch of hot pink micro-bikini pussy flashed Duke. The tiny piece of fabric bisected her perfectly cupped ass cheeks. Duke let out a slow wolf whistle and growled his approval. Allison wiggled her butt to thank him for the attention. Then she straightened up and wagged a scolding finger towards him for being naughty.
“What am I going to do with you, Duke Scoggins? My husband is right here, and your lovely wife, Melanie, will be over in just a few minutes.”
Curtis and Duke both smirked. There was no harm in two best friends sharing a moment over a playful flirt. So they did.
Allison turned to go inside. She let the screen door hit her in the butt so it wouldn’t slam shut.
“I know you like that door spanking your ass, Allison!”
Duke then slapped one hand against the other for emphasis.
“I know you do!”
Curtis elbowed Duke, “Be careful you don’t piss her off, Duke. You have no idea what she might do.”
But Curtis knew. And it was kind of hot to think it was about to happen.
Curtis and Duke stopped everything to go inside. Duke purposefully let the screen door slam shut.
“Get excited, Ally?” Duke grinned.
Allison smiled and put a full plate of egg scramble in front of Duke as the men sat down. As she did, she deliberately knocked Duke’s fork and spoon onto the floor.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Duke.”
Bending over at the waist to pick them up, Allison flashed Duke her prettiest smile. She also arched her back and thrust her breasts forward to give him a good look at the best cleavage in three counties.
Fuck me! These tits are hot! Even Duke didn’t dare say that out loud, but he smiled his toothless grin in appreciation.
A nipple slip wasn’t in Allison’s plan, but it happened anyway. She let Duke look at it for a moment before she tucked her nipple back into her bikini top and winked.
“If you’re going to eat my eggs, honey, you’ll need to decide between a good fork or a good spoon.”
“I guess I’d like a good fuh-fuh-fuh-oke from you if you’re giving me a choice.”
And for the first time in his adult life, Duke smiled with embarrassment over something he said.
Curtis suppressed a grin. Only Duke could twist a word like “fork” to mean “fuck”. Duke’s crude language with Ally had no limits.
“Where’s mine, Ally?”
Allison stood and reached into the silverware drawer.
“Still in the pan, Curtis. It’ll be just a minute. Now, Duke, you dig right into my eggs, and don’t you wait for Curtis.”
Placing a clean fork on the table in front of Duke, Allison turned on her southern charm.
“This heah is a good fork, but if’n your real good, ah might just have an excellent fuh-fuh-fuh-oke for you, that is, if’n you truly want it.” Allison winked again and then flipped up her apron front to give Duke a peek at her barely-there micro bikini-covered pussy.
At that very moment, Melanie opened the squeaky screen door and poked her head into the house.
“I’m coming in, ready or not.”
Melanie’s red headband kept her long brown hair from falling into her face as she pushed her way through the door. It slammed behind her with a bang. Duke smiled at Allison but didn’t say a word. He didn’t have to.
Melanie wore white shorts and a red-patterned top. She looked adorable as she made her way to the kitchen. Her flip-flops sounded like slaps across the wooden floor. Duke smiled again and nodded his head with each slap. Allison simply smiled.
“You made them breakfast, Ally? Let me have some, Duke.”
Curtis and Allison exchanged a look. Melanie wasn’t part of the plan. Thinking quickly, Ally motioned to Mel.
“Come here, Mel. I have some girl talk for you before we do anything else.”
Allison gripped Mel’s arm and guided her to another part of the house. Curtis and Duke exchanged shrugs as if to say no one ever knows what women want to talk about, but they go off and do it just the same.
“Want a Pepsi?” Curtis offered.
“They’ll only be a minute, I think.”
“I’m sorry, Mel, I just couldn’t let you eat the eggs I made for Duke; I’m so embarrassed.”
“What gives, Ally? What’s going on?”
“Well, you know how Duke is always being a jerk and saying terrible and inappropriate things to me…”
Mel interrupted, “Oh, Ally, I’m so sorry; what did Duke say? I know he’s always saying something to you that he shouldn’t. I’ll work on making him stop…”
“Mel, we both know he can be an asshole sometimes…”
“Don’t I know it! But when he is not acting like an idiot with other people, he is so nice, and he’s a great dad to the boys. But I’ll work on him, I promise.”
“Now I feel bad about what I’m going to tell you, Mel, and I hope you won’t be mad at me.”
“You did something to his eggs, didn’t you?”
“Yes,” Allison paused, looked upward, blinked, and swallowed, “You’re going to think terrible things about Curtis and me, but I want you to know we’ll never do it again. I swear.”
Mel looked expectantly at Allison, waiting for the confession. It probably has habanero peppers in it, thought Mel. That’ll wake him up.
“I made his egg scramble really special with some Liquid Smoke, andouille sausage, and…”
Allison paused a second time. She squirmed, rolled her eyes, and fought against the words she was about to speak. Then she simply blurted it out.
“…and then I gave Curtis a handjob and I put Curtis’ semen in the eggs, too! I was trying to get even, and I’m just so mad at him for saying last week that he wanted to butter my biscuits, and then he made a hand gesture like he was masturbating, and well…well, I just had to… “
Mel’s eyes twinkled and then widened as she stifled a laugh.
Pulling Allison close into a comforting hug, Mel whispered in her ear.
“Oh, honey, that’s the best revenge I’ve ever heard! He can be such a jerk at times. And now he’s sitting out there eating scrambled eggs with all of Curtis’ you-know-what in it. Well, I guess he deserves it.”
“You’re not mad?”
“No way, I’ve been trying to get him to change, and he just won’t, so this is all on him.”
“Are you going to tell him?”
“What? No. That would break the friendship between our husbands and us, and I don’t want that.”
“Me either.” Allison hugged Melanie. “Thank you.”
The two women locked arms and returned to the kitchen united in sisterhood.
Duke grinned his very own wide toothless grin.
“Are you two done with the lesbo stuff? Can I eat my eggs now?”
Mel unlocked her arms and stepped close to Duke. She ran her fingers through his mullet.
“Duke, honey, let me have a taste first.”
Mel plucked a gob of scrambled eggs from Duke’s plate and plopped it into her mouth.
“Mmm, Ally, these are the best eggs ever! What do you call them?”
She threw Allison and Curtis an adorable conspiratorial wink with a tilt of her head. She was in the game and let them know it.
“C’mon, Ally, you must have a name for this recipe?” Mel plopped another gob of eggs into her mouth and smacked her lips with approval.
“Allison’s Smokey Scramble, I guess.”
Mel picked up a third helping and pushed it into Duke’s mouth.
“Honey, you must eat Allison’s eggs! They’re delicious! Salty but tasty. Allison, you’ll have to make more of this next weekend. I’m inviting Duke and me over for breakfast. Can I watch you and Curtis make these from scratch? I’m assuming he helps you?”
Allison was speechless but nodded.
It took Mel a year to change Duke as she promised, but she did. He now shaved and showered daily, had dental implants put in, and kept his body fresh throughout the day. Duke ate plenty of Allison’s Smokey Scramble during the next year; it became a typical Saturday breakfast that the four of them enjoyed together. Curtis was thrilled with his weekly contribution to the arrangement and he learned to love the taste of Liquid Smoke, too.
Eventually, their relationships grew so close they exchanged spouses on alternating weekends… and they lived happily ever after.
The moral of the story is that if you offend your best friend’s wife, you might not want to eat with them. The immoral of the story is that inappropriate behavior with your best friend’s wife may lead to wife sharing and you will live happily ever after.
All things are possible when Sex Lives Matter and Allison’s Smokey Scramble are involved.
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