A Man’s Guide: How to Spot a Real Female Orgasm
A story of an orgasm:
I’m lying on top of my girlfriend. Our love making and foreplay has advanced to where we are now, my hard shaft deep in her wet love tunnel. Our naked bodies are sweating together, moving together, joined as one physically, emotionally and mentally. We share kisses while I pump in and out of her at a faster and faster rate, her moaning keeping up with the cadence.
I’m connected to her through genitals and through my desire to be one with her very being. I need to be one with her. And I want for her to be one with me.
I’m grinding harder, faster, deeper. my hard dick pistoning in and out of her juicy, hot cunt. She’s moaning in ecstasy beneath me, her legs spread wide, her arms locked around my back as I pump faster and faster. She grunts. Her eyes close. She’s getting close to her orgasm. Her breathing quickens.
The sloppy squishy sound of my slippery shaft is a sex noise we both have learned to love.
I pump even harder now, my cock alternately deep inside, then almost completely out of her moist and willing cunt. Faster and faster I plow into her, connecting with her, sharing her.
She starts moaning more, and more, and more! Then she announces, “Ugggghhhh! I’m going to c-cum! Ohhhh! Uhhhhhhh! I’m cumming! Don’t stop! Harder! Yes! Yes! Yeeeeesssss!”
Her breathing halts as she lets out little cries of orgasmic joy. Her body tightens and she hugs me tight, pulling me as deep into her as she can.
Her orgasmic ecstasy brings me over my edge and I start cumming too. I shoot my hot cum deep into her soaked tunnel. Together we grunt and groan as our orgasm take us and shake us.
After my orgasm I feel elated and exhausted. Soaking wet in sweat I slump on top of her for a second, resting my full weight on her hot, wet body and beautiful tits before rolling over to her side. My rapidly shrinking cock pops out of her used hole, it’s covered with a combination of her love juices and my sticky cum.
I had an amazing orgasm!
But did she?
Turns out, she didn’t.
Women and their real and fake orgasms
After that session and some frank conversations between us I learned she faked that orgasm. She didn’t orgasm at all during that hot sexual tryst, or several other recent couplings!
That’s what started my years-long research into the female orgasm. My mission became one of knowing as much as possible by asking my partners about their orgasms. I learned why, when and how women orgasm, or fake their orgasms. The desire to understand as best I could the female orgasm became a life-long passion of mine.
I’ve had sexual relations with 21 different women over my life. Most were girlfriends, some were one or two-night stands, and one is a marriage that’s lasted 20+ years and counting.
For the most part I’ve researched female orgasms with most of those women, and asked dozens more questions about their orgasms.
For the women whom I slept with the details were shocking. After I started uncovering the truth I was disappointed to learn that anywhere from 10 percent to 35 percent of the times we had sex, they admitted they had faked an orgasm.
I wanted to know more. Why did they fake orgasms? How can I tell if her orgasm is fake or real? What IS a real orgasm and how do they impact a woman’s body?
Those were all questions I needed answers for. And so began my journey of a man trying to understand a woman’s orgasm.
As a man, I’ll never truly understand a woman’s orgasm. I can only use my research, books, internet articles and the descriptions shared to me by the many women I’ve talked with.
Knowing that women fake orgasms, I started paying much more attention to little and big signals during sex. I focused on my wife’s body as she’d cum to try to learn if she was having a real orgasm or if she was faking it.
My wife admitted that it became much harder to fake orgasms once I started paying detailed attention to her signals!
And that’s the shocker. Why would she, or any woman for that matter, need to feel like she had to fake an orgasm?
Why Women Fake Orgasms
No two women are the same, so everything that follows needs to be understood as being somewhat general to all women. And of course my own male bias is added in to the mix. I’m not a woman and have not experience real or fake female orgasms, so everything below is based on shared information and careful observations I’ve gathered from the many women I’ve talked to and interacted with over 30+ years.
But I can say that in general the following is mostly true and can probably be applied fairly well to most women.
Ladies, if I’m off base on any of this please let me (billtomlin60) and my readers know in the comments below!
My girlfriends and my wife shared with me that there are many reasons why a woman may fake an orgasm. The most common are:
1. She wants to please her partner, but she is just not horny enough for an orgasm
Sometimes a woman will have sex with her partner more because she wants to please her partner than she wants to please herself.
The way my wife explained it is she enjoys giving me pleasure, even if she doesn’t need that pleasure herself. Giving me an orgasm makes her feel good, and she enjoys the act of sex and enabling me to enjoy sex. But she doesn’t need the orgasm for herself because she’s just not horny enough for one.
This I think is something of a difficult concept for us guys to grasp. That’s because unlike women our biology is directly wired into our ability to produce offspring (sperm). Our ‘reward’ for attempting to fertilize an egg with our ejaculation of semen is an orgasm. No orgasm, no need for ejaculation. No ejaculation, no sperm. No sperm, no offspring.
It’s difficult for us guys, or at least me, to consider that a woman can enjoy sex and especially enjoy using her body to give her partner pleasure without feeling the need to have an orgasm.
2. She just wants it to be over
Sometimes a woman is just not in the mood for sex, but her partner is. If the partner is persistent and insistent she may just give in and have sex to shut her partner up.
But she’s not doing it for any pleasure on her part. She’s just doing it to get her partner off (off of her physically and off for her partner in the sense of an orgasm). Basically, she just wants to get the whole thing over with as quickly as possible.
By faking her pleasure and eventually faking her orgasm, she can help her partner to cum faster, thereby getting the act over quicker.
My wife admitted to doing this more than once with me, most often during morning sex.
When I was younger I would wake up really horny, usually with a rock hard penis.
But my wife is anything but a morning person. If she had her choice, she would wake up around lunch, and do all her cleaning, chores and workouts after 6pm. I was (and still am) the opposite, I’m raring to go first thing in the morning, and by 9pm I’m exhausted and shutting down for the night.
After persistent requests by me for sex in the early morning, my wife would sometimes just roll-over and let me have my way with her. And if she felt like it was taking too long she would speed things up by pretending to get all hot and bothered and then having a fake orgasm, which she knew would usually trigger my orgasm.
3. She’s acting
Porn stars, webcam actresses and even amateur women taking part in home sex tapes often feature ladies having amazingly powerful orgasms that just go on and on and on, much like the energizer bunny.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and claim most of them are faking their orgasms.
Because doing a show, or several sex scenes over and over for the camera requires going through the motions whether you are horny or not.
And my girlfriends and my wife all admitted to sometimes faking orgasms while we were making our home sex videos. They said the camera made them nervous. So instead of relaxing and enjoying sex they found it easier to become actresses who faked orgasms, enabling them to perform the role they thought I expected.
That’s not really surprising when you think about all the work an actress has to do to get dressed up, made up, and then perform sex scenes multiple times for different angles, over and over again for the camera.
For us, my wife had to go through a lot to do one of our typical home sex tapes. She had to put on surprisingly itchy, scratchy, sometimes ill-fitting and uncomfortable sexy lingerie. She put on high heels that hurt her feet and were a danger to puncturing our bedding. She would apply her makeup and do her hair (most women I met HATE being caught on any kind of photo or video not looking their best – even a home sex video!), and then she would have to assume many positions I asked her to do that frankly she would skip if it were a real sex act.
4. She can’t have an orgasm
Sadly, I’ve met a couple of women over the years that admitted they had never had an orgasm.
I’m not a psychologist or a doctor so I don’t know why they didn’t experience orgasms. Often times neither did they. Maybe it had to do with some of them being abused at an earlier age. Maybe the wiring of the nerve-endings in the clitoris were not working, I don’t know.
For those women, faking an orgasm is part pleasing their partner, and part not wanting to have a perceived potential negative associated with their relationship with their partner.
One of the women I talked to who had never had an orgasm explained she wanted her partners to think she was ‘normal’ and could have normal sexual relations, including an orgasm. She admitted she had no idea what an orgasm felt like and just copied what she saw on sex tapes.
So with that background let’s learn how to identify a real female orgasm…
How to spot a real female orgasm
Over the years I’ve asked lots and lots of questions among dozens and dozens of women about their orgasms. I’ve also asked about orgasms immediately after sex with my partners, and after observing many women before, during and after real and fake orgasms.
So with all that research, here’s the signs I’ve compiled to help identify a real female orgasm versus a fake orgasm.
But first, a note on the two types of female orgasms. It’s been explained to me by the women in my life that there are other types of orgasms such as anal, but let’s focus on the primary two for this article.
Two Types of Female Orgasms; Vaginal and Clitoral
Over the years many women have tried to explain to me the differences they feel in a vaginal orgasm versus a clitoral orgasm.
Are there differences?
According to the women I’ve spoken with, there are big and little differences between the two.
Here’s my brief summary of my understanding of the differences as reported by them.
I’m told by the women I’ve spoken with that vaginal orgasms are deeper and involve the entire body. They are caused by objects in the vagina stimulating the walls, G-spot and cervix in the vagina. These orgasms seem to emanate from the vagina and spread through the whole body in a wave or waves. It’s been explained to me that it’s kind of like an amazing warming or a deep sense of incredible pleasure which envelopes her whole body, but from the inside out. My girlfriends and my wife told me that vaginal orgasms are not as ‘sharp’ (my words) or direct as a clitoral orgasm, but because they involve the whole body they are longer lasting and seem to be more connected to emotional feelings of love, joy and sharing.
Clitoral orgasms according to the women I’ve talked to are much more direct and involved in a more centralized manner. They are caused by stimulation of the clitoris and clitoral hood area and are much ‘sharper’ (my words) and focused. Because of this, clitoral orgasms can be very powerful, sometimes causing higher pleasure feelings than a vaginal orgasm. But clitoral orgasms are often shorter in length than a vaginal orgasm. Because they are so strong and direct, clitoral orgasms, once finished, cause the clitoris and the area around her clitoris and clitoral hood to become extremely sensitive. Most women I’ve had sex with typically tightly close their legs after a clitoral orgasm (many do so for vaginal orgasms as well, but clitoral orgasms are even more sensitive). Touching the area immediately after an orgasm is almost painful and most women need a bit of time to recover before being able to touch that area again.
The Eight Ways to Spot a True Female Orgasm:
Important! Women don’t exhibit all these signs all the time when they are having an orgasm. Different women, different excitement levels, different habits will all make for variation in the unique signs for each female orgasm.
As you have sex with her, look for many, some or just a one of these signs each time she has her orgasm. By watching her patterns and carefully observing her body reactions you will soon be able to spot the specific signs for her real orgasm, versus her fake orgasm.
Remember! No two women are the same, so this and all the rest that of the signs that follow are my best generalizations from observations, research and what women have told me about their orgasms.
1. Her face and vocalisms are not in her control during a real orgasm
A real female orgasm most often involves her whole body, from the tip of her scalp all the way down to her toes. This often includes her face and mouth.
The extremely powerful waves of pleasure coursing through her body seem to short-wire her ability to control her face and speech. Many women having a real orgasm will close their eyes tight, but their mouths will be open as they pant rapidly in and out.
As the orgasm occurs, they will often hold their breath, or just as often let out air while grunting, moaning loudly, or sometimes screaming.
My wife would always grab a pillow next to her head during her orgasm and hold it tightly over her face as she would scream into it.
Several of my girlfriends would snap their eyes open and stare into space while experiencing their orgasm. They were unable to speak, usually gasping for breath as pleasure poured through them.
This means spotting fake female orgasms is relatively easy if your partner exhibits those behaviors during her orgasm.
If she is talking through her orgasm, telling you what a good lover you are, how she’s coming so hard, how you are doing such a great job making love to her, that’s a clue she might be faking.
Real and truly powerful female orgasms should make it very difficult, if not impossible, for her to carry on a conversation while experiencing it.
2. Her nipples are hard and erect during an orgasm
Most women experience pleasure when their nipples are played with. Often when sexually excited a woman’s nipples will become harder and erect. During sex, most women enjoy their nipples being played with and this can cause them to become even harder and more sensitive.
During her orgasm, her nipples should be extremely hard, erect and sensitive.
Although not all women experience hard nipples during an orgasm, most do. By looking at her nipples you’ll have a potential clue to tell if she’s really having an orgasm or not. If her nipples are hard and erect it very well might be a real orgasm, if they are not hard and erect she might be faking her orgasm.
3. Her orgasm causes body spasms
Almost all of my girlfriends and my wife experience stiffening and body muscle spasms just before and during real orgasms. As the orgasm washes through her body, the incredible feelings of pleasure result in muscles temporarily having contractions, sometimes very strong contractions.
Most women seem to tighten up just prior to the main part of the orgasm and not move too much. But once the pulses or waves of the orgasm hit, she will often spasm uncontrollably.
Note: Women who are faking an orgasm will sometimes fake the body spasms that go with it.
What I’ve noticed about real orgasm convulsions and spasms is after the orgasm starts subsiding, women will often stop moving and will lie completely still, or as sometimes happens with my wife actually start falling asleep!
I don’t know what causes this behavior. My guess is the overwhelming amounts of pleasure she experiences during her orgasm causes a very strong euphoria that temporarily overwhelms her.
I think that perhaps a less powerful variation of this euphoria is getting into a hot bath or a jacuzzi and letting the pleasure just take you away to where you are just feeling, and not thinking or doing.
4. Vaginas are usually very wet before and during an orgasm
For most women, just before and often during an orgasm their vaginas are very wet and covered in mucus coming from their Bartholin glands. Bartholin glands are the two glands just inside the entrance to the vagina that when stimulated produce a slippery mucus. This lubricates the vagina, making it easier for a penis or any object to slide in and out.
All of my lovers got very wet before and especially during an orgasm. I did have sexual relations with one woman who was ‘dry.’ I’m guessing her Bartholin glands for some reason did not work. She required us to use lubricants like baby oil or KY jelly to have comfortable sex.
For most women though, the Bartholin glands do their job well and so just before and during her orgasm her vagina and vulva should be covered, sometimes soaked, in wetness.
Assuming their Bartholin glands are working normally women who are faking orgasms, or the entire sex act for that matter, will probably be mostly dry in and around their vagina and especially around the lower half of their vulva.
Note: As women go through the change, or menopause, many of them experience a shutting down in the functioning of the Bartholin glands. My wife’s glands for example completely stopped working. Her vagina become dry, and because of that any friction at all in her vagina was like ‘sandpaper’ as she called it.
By the way, all those ‘squirting’ videos you may see on the web? The vast majority, I would say virtually all of them, are not true ‘squirting’ from the Bartholin glands at all. They are just women peeing. If that’s what you’re into then just enjoy. But know that squirting and male ejaculation are different things and that the vast majority of women don’t squirt from their Bartholin glands.
5. Her toes are tightly clenched during an orgasm
One of the best ways to determine if her orgasm is real or not is to watch her toes.
This is not true for all women, but I would say the majority of women will tightly clench their toes just before and during an orgasm. I think this has to do with the spasms they go through as their orgasm convulses their body.
My wife became extremely good at faking orgasms once she realized I was watching for that.
The only way I could really tell if she was having a fake or real orgasm was by surreptitiously watching her toes. If she clenched them hard just before and during her orgasm, I knew beyond a doubt she was having a real orgasm. If her feet and toes were normal, then she was faking.
She became rather upset with me that I could tell when she was faking or not, and kept trying to find out what clues I was using. I of course kept this clenched toe clue a tightly held secret from her!
6. Her mouth is usually wide open during a real orgasm
Most women who are having real orgasms cannot control their mouths. Most often, you’ll see them with their mouth in an open O type of position. As I mentioned above, most are breathing heavily and vocalizing.
When women are having real orgasms they often are not aware of their mouth position. I’ve had many girlfriends and my own wife look horrified at their mouths when we would play back a home sex tape.
As mentioned above, if she’s talking during her orgasm, and her mouth isn’t in some sort of automatic uncontrolled O position, it’s very possible she’s faking her orgasm.
7. Her genitals are extremely sensitive after her orgasm
All of my girlfriends, my wife and the great majority of women I talked to said that immediately after an orgasm their clitoris and genitals become very sensitive. This is especially true for clitoris orgasms.
My girlfriends and my wife typically would close their legs after their orgasm, often covering themselves with their hands. Many would roll over, their legs tightly protecting their clit and vulva from any stimulation.
We men have the same kind of issue. Immediately after our orgasm and ejaculation our penis typically becomes extremely sensitive, and continuing stimulation does not feel good.
If after her orgasm she pushes you away from her vulva and closes her legs that’s a clue she has probably had a real orgasm.
But if she is faking her orgasm, she may be more likely to keep going. She may start vigorously rubbing her clit or vulva again, she may start inserting objects into her vagina again. These are all clues that her clitoris and vagina are not sensitive and therefore she may be faking her orgasm.
I’ve noticed that lots of porno and webcam videos featuring women display shaking and shuddering and body convulsions, then immediately start rubbing again. That’s a clue that she may be acting and didn’t actually have an orgasm at all.
8. Vaginal and anal muscles will pulse with contractions
This is harder to see, and not always true for all women, but often a woman’s vaginal and anal muscles will pulse with contractions during her orgasm. Some women have stronger convulsions and you can clearly see them. With other women, the contractions are more internal, or are not as obvious visually. Some women experience only minor or almost no contractions of the vaginal or anal muscles.
This clue is helpful if you are close to her open genitals and can see whether contractions are occurring or not.
I’ve seen that when women fake their orgasms they may forget to do these contractions, or they may not be able cause their vaginal and anal muscles to convulse.
As a side note, several of my girlfriends, and my wife, had such strong vaginal contractions during an orgasm that if my penis was not deep in their vaginas, or if it was not extremely hard, the vaginal contractions could push me right out!
Contractions of the vagina and anus are especially true for vaginal orgasms, which seemed to cause the entire vagina to spasm off and on for a long while.
Conclusion: How to spot a true female orgasm
So those are the eight main clues I use to try to tell if a woman is having a true orgasm, or not.
Again, I’m a guy, so I can only tell you what my research and observations have provided me.
Ladies, if I’m off base or something is not quite right just let me (billtomlin60) know by leaving comments. Understanding real orgasms from a woman’s perspective will help us all get a better perspective on female orgasms and how to help create them.
Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, the reason women have orgasms is because they are enjoying their sexual experience. For a woman to have an orgasm, or even be sexually aroused, it takes being in the right mood, being in the right frame of mind and being in a situation in which she is comfortable, relaxed and wants sex.
Trying to force a real orgasm is the exact opposite of what you should try to do. Allow her to feel special, show her your love and shower her with attention. Enable her to feel attractive, sexy and cared for. The resulting feelings she has should allow her to enjoy sex with you and allow her the orgasms that come with it.
For the women I’ve known and spoken with, it’s all about the relationship, the feeling of emotionally connecting with her partner. The sex is mostly about what’s in her head, and how she feels about herself and her partner.
For us guys, it’s a bit different. We just need some porn to view to trigger us and we’re good to go! No emotion needed, just images of sex and we get excited.
So as you watch your porn or home sex videos try to watch for the clues as to whether the woman is having a real orgasm, or not. My bet is you’ll become much better at spotting the fake and real female orgasms.
And I suggest you use this for your own partner. Watch her and learn if she’s really having an orgasm or not.
And if you feel like maybe she’s not having real orgasms, talk to her about it. Listen carefully to her. Perhaps change something about what you do when having sexual relations with her. I think you’ll find taking the time to learn what causes her to have real orgasms is way worth the effort in your relationship, and your sex life!
There is nothing better than helping your woman have an awesome, real orgasm that gives her amazing amounts of pleasure.